


Without hope, without witness, without reward

by Charlotte_McGonagall



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Gen, missy's pov, s10e12 Spoilers, s10e12 The Doctor Falls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-22 03:08:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11371332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charlotte_McGonagall/pseuds/Charlotte_McGonagall
Summary: CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS FROM 10X12."Is this how it feels to be good? It doesn't matter anyway.Without hope, I am not afraid."Collection of three drabbles written on a whim to cope with the season finale.





	1. Without hope

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SakiJune](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SakiJune/gifts), [Allons-y (sarabakanashimi)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarabakanashimi/gifts).



> These drabbles have been written in a few minutes, as I cried. I just needed to get this out. This finale has devastated me.  
> Also, English is not my first language and it's late, so, really, I hope I haven't messed up too much.  
> Also, as I mentioned, this contains SPOILERS, if you haven't watched the episode, read at your own risk!

I've always been a paradox: so stubbornly attached to life and yet so self-destructive. How ironic. I suppose there was no other way I was going to die except, quite literally, on my own terms.

I cannot help but laugh, but it's not funny: it's bitter, it burn from inside and weighs over my chest.

I always feared death, but now everything seems so futile, so ironically fruitless.  
Is this how it feels to be good? It doesn't matter anyway.

Without hope, I am not afraid.


	2. Without witness

I was never the kind to feel loneliness. Loneliness is for those whose happiness lies in the hands of others. Pathetic.

And yet I did enjoy your company, Doctor... Theta... my friend.  
I am sorry you'll think I abandoned you. I had to break your hearts, once again. One last time.

I always tried to hurt you, even to destroy you. Now I know it was because of what I saw in you: the part of me I was afraid to be. I so hated to love you. And I hated that you were right.

Without witness, I wish you were here.


	3. Without reward

I hear the colonists, guided by Silly Voice... Nardole. They do not see me, though.  
So, they did escape, good. This will buy them some time. Hopefully, more.  
I never though this would make me so happy, I guess it must be the only form of consolation I have left.

Maybe you'll make it too, Doctor, somehow, you deserve it. But goodness is not about what people deserve, right? I learnt it the hard way.

Still, I know one thing for sure now: without hope, without witness, without reward, I am your friend.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys liked it and thank you for reading this. I hope you liked it. Feedback is always appreciated.  
> Now I'll keep crying over the finale!  
> I still can't believe Missy wanted to stand with the Doctor but he will never know! It was HEARTBREAKING and SO UNFAIR. *cries*


End file.
